DIE, Killer Neighbor, DIE!

I emailed this to Ken on November 3, 2006.

I had three dreams last night:

DREAM 1: In the first one, I'm babysitting for my nephew Graham. I'm bored, so I decide to go to the mall, where I run into my sister Gina. Graham screams, "Mommy!" and runs over to her. We sit down at a table and have ice cream. Gina tells me that her husband Kirk thinks that one of his neighbors is trying kill him. Gina says, "I saw him walking down the street the other day and he seemed fine."

Scene changes and I'm standing in the front yard of my sister Anita's old house (which is now my house in the dream). I see the Killer Neighbor turn the corner and walk toward our house. Jeff is on the porch. The dogs are out and I have Crash by the collar because there is no fence. I call Josie from the back yard because I don't want her to rush him and start barking and jumping. The Killer Neighbor makes small talk and Jeff takes the dogs in the house. While Jeff is gone, the KN takes out a foam pellet gun and starts aiming for the porch, waiting for Jeff to return. I take out my own pellet gun, but my foam pellets are pointy and filled with water. I repeatedly knock his gun with my gun to get him off aim while screaming for Jeff to call the cops and let out the dogs.

I wake up concerned that I might be attacked at home while Jeff is in Asia.

DREAM 2 (continuation of dream 1): I'm in a stairwell and I'm being attacked by a woman with a foam pellet gun. I have my water pellet gun and I'm shooting at her and backing her down the stairs. I hit her with a pellet right in the temple and she says "Now THAT hurt." The Killer Neighbor shows up to help the woman. He's looming over me and I fire off a pellet and it hits dead center on the lens of his glasses. Now he's really pissed off.

I wake up.

DREAM 3: I'm outside looking up at night sky. There are a lot of people milling around in their yards and on the street. We're all watching the fighter jets in these amazing formations in the sky. At first you can only see their shadows against the clouds, but then they come into view. They look like bugs because there are so many of them. They move in and out of formation creating the shape of huge planes and spinning around. Then one groups gets into the form of a plane with a huge gun on the front (kinda like a tank in the sky) and turns the gun down and starts shooting firey laser beams at people on the ground. I try to push Jeff and the dogs to get inside and Jeff resists wanting to watch and just as we get inside they shoot off the front porch railing right where we would have been standing. We lock ourselves in, but before long there is banging at the door. Space officers come in and demand to take me away saying they have a subpoena. One of them holds up a piece of paper and I say "that's not a subpoena, that's just a sticker with my name on it." I refuse to go with them and they eventually leave. I scoop up my twin toddler boys who have been hiding and take them upstairs.

Time moves backward and now I'm on the floor of the living room surrounded by Star Trek games. There is am origami puzzle in the games to be solved that will tell me how to prevent the fighter jet invasion that I had just witnessed in the future.

I wake up.

Zombie Apocolypse with special guest star George Clooney.

Emailed to Amanda with the subject "possibly the weirdest dream I've ever had" on June 28, 2006.

It's the end of the world and I've found refuge in this huge multi-floored mansion with about 30 other people. The problem is that the mansion is also infested with zombies. Ape-zombies, to be exact. This is my first night in the mansion. I'm being shown around and told the rules about not triggering the zombies. At night, everyone sleeps in the freight elevator which has been retrofitted with an elaborate electronic security system built and run by George Clooney. So, I grab a blanket and make myself a makeshift bed on the floor of the freight elevator. There is a man next to me in a weird silver puffy suit. Somehow I realize that he is not a man but a space-robot-zombie attempting to masquarade as a man to infiltrate our safe elevator! Damn him! Earlier, his space ship crashed onto the roof of the elevator and he snuck in, undetected. I pulled off his disguise and he was wearing multiple layers of flannel shirts. Then I beat him up.

The next morning I was kidnapped by the neighbors across the street. Apparently the world outside the zombie mansion has gone on a usual. A man and a woman who are not a couple keep me all day. I am not there of my own volition. They take me shoe shopping and buy me three pairs of shoes. When we return to their house, I'm free to go, but I have to take a pair of shoes with me. I open the trunk of the car and select a pair of shiny, black, patent-leather flats with cut outs on the sides. They are hideous, and three sized too big, but they are the best of the selection.

I walk across the street, back to the zombie house. Apparently, during the day, we have run of the first three floors of the house. No zombie threat during the day time. I sit down on the couch and watch some t.v . Someone brings in lunch. Two girls come into the living room. The first girl is a chemical genius who is constantly concocting new zombie-killing agents. She has a supersoaker loaded with her new mixture and goes upstairs in search of a zombie to test it on. I hear her kill the zombie. When she returns, she's licking her fingers and tossing the zombie bones in a bag. "Ew, you ATE the zombie?" "Yep."

Dusk comes and the house morphs into the house I grew up in. I walk past Jeff who is now sleeping on the living room couch and think, "I guess we've determined that it's safe enough to sleep outside of the elevator." I walk into my old bedroom where Michelle is sleeping. I flip on the light and then quickly turn it off. I sit down on the edge of the bed to tell her my crazy kidnapping-shoe-shopping story, but it's too late. I've triggered the zombies.

and then I wake up.