Giant granny-panty animal parade.

I'm on a vacation for a wedding with the whole family. But I was running late before we left town, so Monika (my sister) decided to take it upon herself to pack for me. I was pretty upset about it because I felt that she had used it as an excuse to rummage through my drawers.

Time moves forward and we've arrived at the hotel. I get my suitcase out of the back of Monika's Suburban. I never go to my room, instead I hit the cafeteria. The menu is confusing and I end with a really expensive spinach sandwich, which I didn't really want. I take my tray into an annex filled with tables and meet my sister Gina. Three walls are floor to ceiling windows over looking desolate city to the north, a dry river bed to the east and the ocean to the south.

I decide it's time to find out what Monika has packed for me. So I head to my room, but I don't have a key. I walk down the hall (the bedroom hallway of my childhood home) and hear and see pounding coming from inside my bedroom. I knock and Josh (Elizabeth's husband) opens the door. Ethan (Elizabeth's 3-yr-old) is refusing to take a nap and railing against the door in protest. "Can I have a key to my room?" "Sure." So I get the key from Josh, retrieve my bag, and head back to the cafeteria.

I open the suitcase and rifle through, getting more and more angry. "Two pairs of khakis, granny panties, and a tank top?!?! THIS is what she packs?!?!? What am I supposed to wear to the wedding?!?" I was near tears. Gina tries to calm me down by telling me that we can go shopping. I decide to change my clothes right there in the cafeteria. I put on the giant granny panties and I'm trying to tie on a bikini top when a crowd moves into the annex from the other room. The parade has started.

Looking out of the windows you can just start to see the beginnings of Disney's Giant Animatronic Animal Parade coming down the dry river bed. There are huge robot sharks repeatedly catching big fish along with a menagerie of other robot animals. This parade happens every day. Just like at the magic kingdom.

I'm pretty sure you just voided the warranty.

So, I'm in Tokyo, Japan on a bridge watching the trains below. There are ten tracks, easy, it's a busy hub.  If you wanted, you could hook your car up and drive on the tracks.  And as I'm standing there fascinated, I watch this yellow Lamborghini speed down the tracks and crash/ramp over the other car-trains. I immediately get on the phone and start relaying this event to my car-loving friends, appalled that anyone would drive their Lamborghini directly into stopped train traffic.

I decide to go be a tourist, so I leave the walled city of Tokyo and head out into the countryside.  I find a busy marketplace and hop on the ski-lift-like (but low to the ground, so you can hop on, hop off at will) cable car system that is running down the middle of the street.  I set my phone and a one white frilly sock on the bench next to me.  I see a shop I want to go into, so I hop off the bench and walk over.  It's dark in the shop and I'm browsing among the super cute dresses. I actually comment to myself, "these are super cute!" (something I would never say with any sincerity in real life). Every time I pull one out to look at, someone edges me out and starts looking at the same dress.  This happens three or four times and I realize that one of these rude people is Vicky, my front desk receptionist.  I'm relieved to find someone I know, but irritated that she's trying on the purple dress I liked.  On my way to the dressing room, I realize that I don't have my phone.  All I have is a little money in my pocket.  (Notably, I'm wearing my work scrubs with big pockets on the front of my shirt.) So, I quickly start heading back to the ski-lift thingy hoping it will still be on the bench with the sock.  As I leave the shop, I'm approached by a woman and a dark haired girl who ask me "do you speak English?" "Yes." "How many addresses do you need?"  "None."  "Yes you do.  How many addresses do you need?" "I don't need any addresses!"  I start walking faster to get away from them.

Then I wake up.  A little panicky about the location of my phone.

Oh, that's lovely.

My sister Gina had a baby girl.  She named her "Crystal."  By the time she arrived home with her new baby, she had changed her mind.  She renamed her baby "Sparkle."  Because that's. more. classier.